Boss tells line manager that she's "too friendly" with her male colleagues after they side with her in a meeting: 'This manager has had an issue with me for a long time'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jun 15, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

You're always told that you should be friendly with team members—but not too friendly. Despite encouraging team bonding and after-hours unpaid recreational activities with your team, organizations have a tendency to get a little weird about things if you get too close or if things get too recreational. This, of course, doesn't apply in the service industry for some reason, where it's generally expected that staff will almost certainly engage in an interpersonal free-for-all.

Still, this paranoia about lines being crossed or being personally disadvantaged by crossed lines can cause some people to get uptight about any socialization happening in their teams, especially when those people are also jealous at their inability to cultivate normal friendly working relationships.

This is certainly what was happening when this worker was told by her female boss that she was "too friendly" with her male colleagues, despite no one else involved feeling that there were any lines being crossed. Frustrated, the worker shared their experience with this online workplace community, getting advice and responses and sparking discussion from readers in the comments. 

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    via Brooke Cagle
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    Boss told me I was "too friendly" with colleagues My 40-something female line manager told me (40 F) I was “too friendly" with 3 male 50-something colleagues on a Zoom call where I was running these male colleagues through a project I'm working on. These men are not hierarchically senior to me in any way; we work in different teams.
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    She then went on to explain to me that I should have been more formal with these male colleagues, and that a more "friendly" relationship will develop in due course, but that I made one of the men feel uncomfortable (no, he didn't tell her that, or give her any feedback at all; apparently she was "reading" his facial expressions during the video call and decided he was uncomfortable based on his expression).
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    My grand mistake? At some point during the hour-long call, I asked "what do you guys think?" regarding a specific point. Inappropriate language, she said in a feedback session after the call. That was the only example she could give me of my being "too friendly". Couldn't come up with a single other point, but kept reiterating. I agree I wasn't super formal, but it wasn't a formal meeting - it was supposed to be a collaborative call where we could all check whether our views are aligned on this
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    The kicker? Apparently these men are "a lot of fun", but only she's allowed to have a friendly conversation with them because. she's spent time "building up those relationships". BTW I have never received such feedback; this was definitely a first. I have good working relationships with basically all of my colleagues. This manager has had an issue with me for a long time - this isn't the first negative feedback I've received from her. Thoughts?
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    luckyduckie90 she doesn't like you and wants a paper trail to let you go TheGoddessIsPresent OP. Probably yes, though she just gave me a satisfactory performance review last week.
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    LaughableIKR I would email her back after this feedback and list off the points she brought up and ask if this is correct so you can keep this to 'work on'. Paper trail it.
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    elvbierbaum What do they call those girls that "want the boys to like her"? Pick Me's? That's what she is. She appears to have gotten jealous you were getting along with "her boys". just my opinion....
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    queenofthesprouts She sounds jealous, honestly. Be careful, this is how paper trails are started to let someone go.
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent
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    R-Dragon_Thunderzord She sounds like she's threatened at your ability to rapidly build a rapport. She thought this run of the mill people-skill was a superpower she had exclusivity on. TheGoddess Is Present OP. Absolutely. She's not a people person or natural leader at all, her entire management style is forced.
    via u/TheGoddessIsPresent

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workplace discussion employment issues antiwork workplace-stories jobs employment-discussion job work workplace Horrible Bosses employment in the workplace
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